Branded: a Burned by Ellen Hopkins Fan Fiction
by SpazztikXpRiDe18
Summary: Life doesn't stop for Pattyn Von Stratten, even after her true love takes his last breath in a car accident which she survived. It moves on - and in ways she never would've expected it to.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I just read Burned by Ellen Hopkins, and knew that this was one story definitely in deserving of a great fan fiction. No guarantees that this will be the one to do it justice, just hopes that you'll like what you read. This is my fan fiction about what happens after the book is over. I tried to do it in different formats, just like the books, but I'm not sure if it'll come out when I post it up. Either way, enjoy and review!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any characters mentioned, including Pattyn or Evan. They belong to the author, Ellen Hopkins.

**I meant to do it,**

fully intended to pull

out the gun

take

my careful aim

and squeeze

the trigger.

I was going to shoot

that awful man

who droned

on and on

about God.

God, who would allow

us to enter

his Kingdom,

the highest

level of Heaven

if we were truly

deserving.

Even though, all

this awful man

has been telling me

lately

is that he's not

sure

that I'll ever get

forgiveness.

Forgiveness that I'm not sure

that I want.

God, who I'm sure knows

that all those people

who caused my baby, my love,

my Evan

to die, deserved the same

fate

that he recieved.

**And I probably would've done it, too**

but when I pulled out the gun,

I realized that they'd already won.

Even as they gasped and looked with shock

all I heard was the ticking of the clock.

Time passing, and I was starting to doubt

whether their time had really run out.

If I could really bestow them with a bullet's kiss

if I could really go through with this.

My hands shook as I took aim

and I realized I only had myself to blame.

I'd killed Evan, given him a fate so grim

as much as if I'd put this gun to him.

The Bishop gave me a look of fear

like that of a headlight-stricken deer.

And even though I'd though of him as scum at best

I knew then that he was human, nevertheless.

He was.

They were.

They all were.

Even my father.

So as my hands shook, I moved the gun with strain

and pointed it at the window pane.

With one bullet glass shattered, shards littering the floor,

just one more thing for my dear dad to pay for.

**I ran from the room**

Leaving silence in my wake. I could practically hear the wheels in their pathetic brains turning. Pattyn Von Stratten? They had thought a lot of things about

me. That I was pregnant (although that one was true). That I was violent. That I was crazy. But they never thought me a murderer. Just one more reason

that I couldn't go through with it. As I ran I realized that I had no idea where I was going. But I had to keep running. Running, like I could leave my personal

demons behind me. Running, like I could escape my actions, my past. My punishment. Running, because I knew then that there was nothing

else for me

to do, but

put one foot

in front of

the other

on the icey

pavement.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: If you hadn't noticed, I made a slight mistake on my last part of this, calling Ethan "Evan." Sorry! Here's a little bit more, hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading. Tell people about it if you liked it!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anyone in this story.

**Of course, I had never been **

Much of a runner, and had to stop

After about five minutes.

I sat on the side of a highway

Watching cars pass me,

Totally out of breath.

And to think that just minutes ago

I had almost caused someone's

Last breath.

You never know what it would take

To make someone commit the ultimate

Ungodly act,

More ungodly than all of the things

I had done,

To do what

I had almost done:

To kill.

I had thought that being left with nothing

But the terrible life I'd known before,

Even less than that,

Would be it for me.

Guess I was wrong.

I'd been wrong about so much lately.

I sat there and allowed myself to cry.

For the people I had lost

For the lives I'd almost stolen

For the one that I was contemplating taking:

My own.

**Suicide is just as much**

of a sin as killing,at least in my

church's book. But what did I have to

live for? No baby, no love no one

to care, or even notice, that I was

gone. Well, that's not totally true. I

knew that Jackie would notice,

be devastated, mourn the loss

of her sister, her friend.

Was it worth suffering

so she'd be

Happy? I stood up

and looked over the side

of the overpass. Not a far drop,

but with enough luck and broken

bones, I would not move when

a car approached, one

Came and finished

the job. They wouldn't even

notice me until I was crumpled

under their tires, my body as

broken as my heart. and of course

there was the gun.

**Two ways to do the job,**

And what did I do?

I stood up on the ledge,

Balanced precariously,

And fell

Backwards.

Safe onto the curb

On which I had just cried.

I fell into a crumpled

Heap, sobbing and knowing

What had to be

Done.

I stood up and somehow

Found the energy to run

All the way home.

Thank God I found

No one

Inside.

I pulled out my hidden

Cell phone and knew that

I was about to do

What I had sworn to myself

That I

Wouldn't.

But there was nothing else

To be done.

Nothing else

That I could do besides

End it

All.

I was brave enough to

Ride Paprika, to

Hunt game, to

Almost kill others.

But not enough to kill

Myself.

I speed dialed

Number one, which

Had been programmed

To just the number

That I

Needed.

A voice on the other line.

_ Hello?_

I hesitated and cleared my throat.

_ Who is this?_

The voice was agitated now.

I took a deep breath and

Steeled myself

To answer.

"Aunt J.? I need you.

It's Pattyn."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Honestly, I'd sort of dropped this story, but lately I've been needing something to write and just sort of remembered this. So, here I am! I'm sorry I just dumped it like that, without even an announcement. Hope you forgive me! Not much happens in this chapter, but I'll update, with more action, soon.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!

**She didn't sound unhappy**

To hear from me, like I'd feared

However, she did sound worried.

Couldn't blame her.

_ Pattyn? What's wrong?_

I suppose she could hear the tears

That made my voice scratchy

And clogged my throat.

"I didn't want to call you,"

I cried, the words both rushing out

Of my mouth and seeming

All too hesitant.

I could practically feel her

Frowning, her voice telling me to

Cut the crap.

_ Pattyn…_

So I told her everything

Lay my fragmented heart on the floor

And she did as I knew she would:

She offered me a way out.

** I **

sat

and star-

ed at the ph-

one and I marv-

eled at what I'd done.

It was amazing how far

I'd been pushed, and yet I

hadn't broken yet. Or maybe

I was too broken to even

realize it. Somehow,

the thought made

me mad.

**Suddenly, I heard a crash**

Coming from the garage.

And it struck me: I wasn't alone

At all.

Dad was here, too

With dear old Johnny W B

For company.

I picked up the gun,

Slick from my clammy palms,

And stared at it.

_I can't do it._

I don't know what I'm doing:

Stating it, or trying to

Convince myself.

_He doesn't deserve it._

I almost laughed out loud.

_He isn't worth the bullet it would take._

True enough.

_Mom and my sisters need him._

**This made me stop short.**

As much as a part of me would always love him,

Always want him to love me,

I felt I needed him like I needed a bullet to the head.

(No pun intended.)

But what about everyone else?

My sisters weren't as strong as me,

Not even Jackie.

And Mom?

Not even close.

What would happen to them

Without him?

Mom would need to get a job.

(What a joke.)

And what would become of my

New baby brother, without someone to

Look after him?

Maybe one of my sisters

Would have to drop out of school.

I gripped tightly onto the gun.

As much as he hurt them, as much as he

Would deserve what he got, they did need him.

Did they need me, too?

(Are you kidding? They sent me away

In the first place.)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I'm sure anyone who once read this fan fiction stopped. Oh well. Here's hoping that someone will read and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own!

**Hands shaking, I walk into the garage**

And see him:

Not my dad, but Johnny from his eyes.

I don't even think he sees me.

He's talking to

His ghosts.

I wonder if I'll be one of them soon.

"Dad?"

My voice shakes like my hands,

Which hold onto the gun

Just in case.

_ I'm sorry…_

Does he know I'm there?

"I'm leaving, Dad."

_ There's nothing I could've done_

He's crying, and I am too.

One of us for the past that we

Can't change,

One for the future we

Can't control.

"I just can't take it anymore.

I can't stay. I'm sorry."

_ I'm sorry…_

How come he's never said that

To me?

"Dad!"

I clench the gun tighter;

He's going to listen.

**I walk over, put the gun**

To his head.

And he finally turns to me

And it looks like there's some recognition there.

"Why, huh? Why did you have to do

This to me?"

_ I'm sorry. So sorry…_

I can't be sure who he's talking to.

I want to shoot him, but know I can't.

I want to hit him, but he'd hit me back.

So I just walk out, so he can't

Do it to me.

"Goodbye, Dad.

I'll see you in hell."

**Now in my room, I shove the things I care for**

Into a suitcase.

My store-bought clothes, my journal.

I put on the locket I can't bare to wear,

And which I know I'll never get rid of.

My little gun goes in as well,

The one that was my dad's son's.

He won't miss it.

I leave the cell phone and

The little gun from Ethan

Under the dresser.

I pick up a pen

And write a note.

_**Jackie,**_

_I wish I didn't have to go, but I can't stay. I know you had written me a while ago and told me not to come home if I didn't have to. And I know that despite that, it'll hurt you that I'm gone. But trust me, the alternative would've hurt you much more. _

_I've seen the way you haven't been able to look at me the same since you found out. And I'm truly sorry about that. You're the one thing around here that I'll miss. _

_I've left some things for you under the dresser. Be careful with them. Please forgive me._

_Your Sister,_

_Pattyn_

**I slip the note into her pillow case**

Hoping she'll find it later.

I imagine the look on her face

And am glad I won't have to see it.

I peer at my trembling hand

And pull Ethan's ring off of my finger

I'm not sure if she'll understand,

But I leave it for her under the dresser.

It had been his promise to me,

And now it is mine to her.

I hope that one day she'll be

Able to find what I'd lost.


End file.
